Words and Music by Brel/Schuman/Jouannest

And if one day I should become
A singer with a Spanish bum
Who sings for women of great virtue
I'd sing to them with a guitar
I'd borrowed from a coffee bar
Well what you don't know doesn't hurt you
My name would be Antonio
And all my bridges I would burn
And when I gave them some
They'd know I'd expect something in return
I'd have to get drunk every night
And talk about virility
With some old grandmother
Who might be decked out like a christmas tree
And though pink elephants I'd see
Though I'd be drunk as I could be
Still I would sing my song to me
About the time they called me Jackie

If I could be for only an hour
If I could be for an hour every day
If I could be for one little hour
Cute in a stupid ass way

And if I joined the social whirl
Became procurer of young girls
Then I would have mu own bordellos
My record would be number one
And I'd sell records by the ton
All sung by many other fellows
My name would then be Handsome Jack
And I'd sell boats of opium
Whisky that came from Twickenham
Authentic queers and phony virgins
If I had banks on every finger
A finger in every country
And all the countries rules by me
Then I'd know where I'd want to be
Locked up inside my opium den
Surrounded by some Chinamen
I'd sing the song I sang of then
About the time they called me Jackie

Now tell me wouldn't it be nice
That if one day in paradise
I'd sing for all the ladies up there
And they would sing along with me
We'd be so happy then to be
Cause down below is really nowhere
And if my name were juniper
Then I would know where I was going
Then I'd become all knowing
And my beard so very long and flowing
If I became deaf, dumb and blind
Because I pitied all mankind
And broke my heart to make things right
I'd know that every single night
When my angelic work was through
The angels and the devil too
Would sing my childhood song to me
About the time they called me Jackie